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Five years ago
Five years ago. February 2004. I was 19. Oh boy.
I was still studying Biology at Penn College in Williamsport, PA, and I couldn’t wait to get out. In fact, I had probably just decided to move to Philly in search of a new life. Hot Topic had recently terminated my employment for BS reasons (though I couldn’t really complain too much; I was seasonal), and I was working 15 hours a week in the college Admissions office as a Student Ambassador. Giving campus tours in winter was a bitch, but I loved that job.
I had black and pink streaks in my long hair. Phasing out of my punk-rock look but still in love with my 3-row studded belt and belt buckle collection, it was a pretty lame for me style-wise. Lots of band tshirts and *shudder* flared/bell bottom jeans. (They’re great on some people, but they make me look frumpy.) One of my Internet friends cut the neckline on all her tshirts, and it looked really cute, so I did that too. I had my nostril pierced but not yet my lip or septum.
I was painfully single. Three-ish months prior, I ended a two-year relationship with a wonderful guy because we were moving in different directions, and we wanted totally different things in our futures. It’s still the hardest and most painful thing I’ve ever done. But I did it to have a life. Unfortunately, the life I imagined didn’t want me. My friends dumped me because the breakup made me a bummer to be around. Disclusion turned into harassment, and by this time five years ago, I was counting the seconds until graduation. From the drama, though, bloomed a fantastic friendship with another girl with a broken heart. She’s getting married this year.
I was pretty into my three-month-old Myspace account and livejournal. I wrote this:
blonde bmbr22: no effing way!! spitalfield is coming to the crowbar with the early november, hey mercedes, and limbeck
I’m beyond excited. I’m thrilled. I’m ecstatic. Yay for Spitalfield!!!
I hate being strangely attracted to someone you know it would never work with. Someone who you argue about everything with from music to morals. It feels like we’re always on eggshells. I don’t know what the right thing to say is to avoid getting picked on. But I love it. And I’m curious. I don’t want to create drama though, so that’s all I am.
Becky S. messaged me today. It was nice talking to her briefly. She told me “some band named Yellocard” is at her school today and she’s been seeing them go in and out of their tour bus from her window. I happen to be wearing my Yellowcard shirt today actually. What a coincidence. So this is a big shoutout to Becky. :-) Miss you!
*siiigh* Now I have to go study for two tests. It’s 1am and I’m extremely tired and my apartment’s noisy and I don’t want to study. *grooooaaan*
hahaha, I know exactly who that boy was. I got him in a bit of trouble shortly thereafter. It still would never work; he’s an ultra-conservative, racist, hunting republican.
Wow. I didn’t expect I’d find much to write, but once I start reminiscing, it’s difficult to stop. It was an emotionally-challenging time, but looking back, it doesn’t seem so bad. What a difference five years makes. In so many ways, I’m not at all that same girl; I’ve gained an immeasurable amount of life knowledge and appreciation, learned about the joys and value in meaningful friendships and human interactions, and come to understand that it’s ok if I don’t have the rest of my life planned out. If I knew what to expect in another five years, I’d miss out on the quirks and hiccups that make life exciting. But in other ways, I’m very much the same girl. Im the girl who won’t settle for a C effort, doesn’t let social norms rule her—have you seen the things I put ketchup on?—, and doesn’t understand people who are hateful, hurtful, or happily ignorant. And I don’t think I ever will.
But thank goodness I ditched the bell bottoms. :)
What about you?
Inspired by Matthew Knell’s entry.
